violence against women Violence in the home and family is widespread in both developed and developing countries. It happens in all kinds of homes and communities, regardless of social barriers, economic class, caste, race, ethnicity, nationality, religion or age.

Until recently, violence in families was considered a private or personal matter and was not taken seriously by the church, society in general or the courts, even when it was brought to their attention. The legacy of the secrecy associated with gender-based violence is immense - a legacy of pain, shame and fear. As a result, violence and abusive behaviour continue to take a heavy toll in too many families, homes and communities.

Violence against women includes prenatal sex selection in favour of male babies, female infanticide, sexual abuse, female genital mutilation, sexual harassment in schools and the workplace, trafficking, forced prostitution, dowry-related violence, domestic violence, battering, and marital rape.

Here are just a few stories from around the world:

Brazil: A man who confesses to stabbing his wife and her lover to death is for the second time acquitted of murder by an all-male jury. The acquittal is based on the argument that he acted in legitimate defence of his wronged honour.

Caribbean: Joyce goes to the police station to report that her boyfriend has raped her. The police take turns in raping her at the police station.

Kenya: At a boarding school, 300 boys attack the girls' dormitory. 71 girls are raped. In the stampede to escape, 19 are trampled to death. The school's vice-principal remarks, "The boys never meant any harm against the girls. They just wanted to rape."

India: During the anti-Muslim pogrom in Gujarat in 2002, many women are battered, raped, burnt and killed. A pregnant woman's abdomen is ripped open and her foetus torn out, burnt and placed on her stomach. Survivors tell how women arrived stark naked at a relief camp for victims. The women could barely walk. One volunteer tells how she had to remove cricket bails from their vaginas, inserted by their rapists as a matter of amusement or sport. When the bails were removed, it was found that their insides were torn.

Nigeria: A Sharia court sentences 31-year-old Amina Lawal Kurami to death by stoning for bearing a child out of wedlock. If sustained, this sentence is likely to be carried out in 2004 after her child is weaned.

Pakistan: On orders from the village jirga, a woman in Muzaffargarh, Punjab is gang-raped by four men. Her "crime"? Her brother allegedly had sexual relations with a woman from a higher tribe. So for his crime, she is publicly assaulted. Hundreds of people watch as the woman is dragged inside her room. No one intervenes or says anything. "They raped me for an hour and afterwards I was unable to move," she says.

United States: As she waits inside a courthouse to have a protection order extended, a 51-year-old woman is stabbed 19 times and killed by her former boyfriend. Twice before he had been charged with harassment. Both times the charges were dropped.

Violence against women is based on the belief that gender identity is defined by relations of power in which women are inferior to men. This belief translates into social acceptance that certain challenges to male authority must receive an aggressive response. One of the acceptable cultural norms is a double standard in sexuality: the male's irresponsible sexual behaviour is condoned, while female infidelity is condemned. Men believe that they must be able to control the women in their lives to show their "maleness", and society accepts this. There is a belief within many cultures that "wives must be ruled" and punished for disobedience or just talking back. One of the most commonly heard excuses for abuse is that it is the woman's fault: "she made me do it; she was looking for it; if only she hadn't gone there, done this, said that, worn those clothes..." It is also accepted that the woman is the property of the man and what he does with his property is his own business. This perception is condoned in the major religions, including Christianity, Hinduism and Islam, in which religious texts are interpreted to justify male supremacy and the submission of the woman.

In Christianity examples can be found in the letters to the Colossians, Corinthians and Ephesians, which churches use to teach about marriage and family life. These texts have often been misinterpreted to prescribe male control over the family and submission of women, even to the point of submitting to abuse. Many churches perpetuate cultural traditions which have a pejorative perception of women. There has been a tendency to link women with sin and men with spiritual matters.

Perhaps the most important gain from these last decades of struggle has been to name violence against women and bring it into the open, but many churches still remain silent.

Dorothy's story

I was only 14 when it started happening. I had a cousin who was a really good-standing person in the church where my father ministered. My cousin came home often and he started teaching me about God's forgiveness for our sins. My parents were happy that we were learning the word of God.

We both were members of the church choir. He told me that God would forgive us no matter what we did. Then the day came, he took the Bible, read it aloud. I still remember the passage, "For God so loved the world that he gave his only Son, so that everyone who believes in him may not perish but may have eternal life." (Jn 3.16) He said, "So even before I do what I am going to do, I have already been forgiven for my sins and you too have been forgiven, so you do not have to worry." He proceeded to rape me and this continued for the next three years.

I suspected that my parents knew something was going on, but they never said anything and I told no one. He went on to a bible school and now pastors a church himself and I have always wondered if he does not do the same to someone else. I feel that if he does I have contributed because I kept quiet, but I kept quiet because I had no one to talk to.

The Decade of Churches in Solidarity with Women highlighted violence against women as a key issue. The Alliance has been actively involved in the struggle to break the silence, together with the Lutheran World Federation, the Conference of European Churches, the World Council of Churches and other partners. These initiatives are mainly the work of departments dealing with women's issues and are often seen as a women's concern. This is not to say that men have not made a contribution to this struggle. There are good examples of men who have worked hard to break down the barriers between women and men and who have advocated in their churches to stop violence against women.

Aisha's story

Aisha's story Aisha had been married for ten years before she finally had the courage to leave her violent husband. She took refuge with an organization that was supporting women to take decisions and become self-sufficient. She did not let her husband or his family know her whereabouts.

The women's organization kept her at a safe house, helped her with some money to start a small business and sent her for training. She lived there for five months. Then they were able to unite her with her children in a house in a location they felt was safe. She lived with her children for the next four years without any harassment from her family or her husband's family.

Finally she felt things were going so well and she had gained her independence, she wanted a divorce.

The day for the hearing came. The courtroom was full of people. As Aisha walked in, she saw that her husband was there with two of his brothers and that her mother was also there with her brother. She was overcome with emotion as her mother came up to her with tears in her eyes. She hugged her mother and thanked her for being so understanding.

As she turned to take her seat, her uncle approached her. In his hand he had a gun. He pointed it at her, fired and killed her instantly. Her mother got up and walked away, followed by her husband and his brother. Aisha lay dead on the floor, covered in blood.

The uncle was released after a day. The judge was reported as saying that he could not be found guilty, as anyone in the community would understand why he did what he did. Any man would do the same to restore pride and honour to his family's name.

How can the church confront male abusers in congregations, in families and within the society? When will the church challenge the cultural and social norms that accept this kind of violence? How many more women must die and families be destroyed before the church takes action? How many more women and girls must be raped by men they trust before the church breaks its silence? Where is the prophetic voice of the church when girl babies are raped by men who believe that by this vicious and horrendous act they can be cured of Aids?

Men are an important part of the solution. Now is the time for men and women to campaign together to break the silence and take action to stop violence against women.

Patricia Sheerattan-Bisnauth